How to ask a girl out..

This is not one of those self-help guides which people tend to stock in their shelves in hope of actually improving their lives. The author is not to be held responsible for any adverse outcome that it may cause.
So, how to ask a girl out...

IN PUBLIC:
Inspired by the pyar kiya to darna kya song, one can go all guns blaring. Select a place bustling with people, say the students' common room, central canteen, etc. Locate your heartthrob. Make sure she's not surrounded by other girls because all of them will giggle uncontrollably and make you wish you could disappear. If her girlfriends don't leave her alone, you may try with the typical, age-old "excuse me, just a minute" ploy. As soon as she leaves that cackle of geese, ask her out in a manner as straight as you can manage. There you are, keeping it soft and simple.
Worst case scenario:
She'll slap you straight across the face and might add some unmentionable adjectives. But what's the big deal if you end up being seen as a moron in front of lots of people, at least your name will crop up in each conversation about your dream girl. After all, no publicity is bad publicity!!

ALONE:
To avoid the above mess, you can make your move a bit subtly. Find an isolated place in the campus, say like a notice board. Act as if the notice is so very important that you'll even miss the WWE Ladies match for whatever the event it is announcing. Introduce yourself(in case, she doesn't know you) and again avoid extravagance. Simply ask her out.
Worst case scenario:
If your SSS(Sweet, simple and sexy) girl is one of those of ultra-conservative types and starts crying(or worse, shouting RAPE, RAPE!!!), you'll end up with an increase in the number of joints in you body. It's still a gain, isn't it?

LIBRARY:
Now this is an excellent idea(me, the genius!!) since nobody will dare scream in the library. So you are safe in that sense. But the crowd present maybe a problem. To overcome it, you need to have Miss Sweetheart's cell no., so that you can call her from the Lib stairs, where she'll have to come to answer the call. Bang!! This is the time, go on.
Worst case scenario:
She might be from the 'very studious and dedicated' category, who prefer to keep their phones off while studying. Or more likely, her network. may not be as loyal as the Hutch(now vodafone) doggie. And you'll waste 15 minutes(you won't give up before that, will you?). But that's OK i guess.

SIMPLY OVER THE PHONE:
This is a method that can avoid all the above disasters and has a high success rate. But you must at least be on talking terms with her. You might need plenty of cajoling or some extravagance (simplicity may not work in this mode).
Worst case scenario:
She'll most probably turn down your offer politely. But she may even hand over the phone to her DAD or brother. But since you are not there in person, rest assured you won't be slapped this time. Or you might try too much to convince(read: plead) her and end up losing the ever-precious balance of your cell.

LETTER:
This may sound filmy, but I've seen people still use this pre-historic way of asking her highness out. Get a good quality of paper and fragrant ink to appeal to her rhinencephalon(smell centre in the brain). Or you can borrow your room-mate's deo(after writing the letter, for best results).
Worst case scenario:
Please, please get hold of your spellings before you write. No girl will take your 'emotions' seriously, if written 'imotions'! And don't trust the postman to deliver it safely. Have it couriered instead, or better still, self-deliver it(if you dare).

After all your efforts, ever thought what is the best case scenario?
You will just get a date! Is that it? Just a date? Just an entry in her calender? Just a DD/MM/YYYY?
So, if you don't manage to get a date, then forget it, buddy, she's not same class as you(read: you're far too ugly for her).



(originally written for boys in my college)